


Teachers AU: End of Year Party

by charivari



Series: Decepticon Teachers AU [9]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers Animated (2007), Transformers: Prime
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, DJ Soundwave, Dead mouse in blender, Decepticon dancing, Decepticon stupidity, End of year office party, F/F, F/M, Fem Knock Out, Fem Trepan, Frisky Megs & Scream, Humanformers, Lugnut is Mega's number 1 fan, M/M, Neurosurgery is not good dinner conversation, Party Bus, Philosophy Club, Poor Strika, Principal Prowl - thank you Insecuriosity, Prostitute Blurr, Public Sex, Skywarp the crazy janitor - thank you Insecuriosity, Strika/KO BFFs, That awkward moment when you realize someone's wearing the same dress, Under the table hand job, Water balloons, my attempt at comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 16:35:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4027036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charivari/pseuds/charivari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to the Authorized End of Year Function for the Faculty of Rodion High Public School. Enjoy the stupidity folks :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The premise amused me so I wrote it. It's mostly a comedy so I hope y'all like it.
> 
> So a run down of the faculty so far.
> 
> Prowl - Principal (Thank you Insecuriosity for the suggestion, I love Principal Prowl. I love him so much)  
> Arcee - Secretary/Black belt  
> Megatron - Head of English  
> Shockwave - Head of Science  
> Starscream - Science  
> Soundwave - IT  
> Tarn - Music  
> Thundercracker - Drama (barely)  
> Blitzwing - Foreign Language (German ja!)  
> Strika - Physical Education  
> Overlord - Physical (Pain) Education  
> Knock Out - (Sexy) School Nurse  
> Breakdown - Shop Work  
> Skywarp - Head Janitor (Thank you Insecuriosity!)  
> Coneheads - Skywarp's minions (Thank you Insecuriosity!)  
> Astrotrain - School Bus Driver
> 
> Again a big thank you to Insecuriosity for so many excellent ideas that never occurred to me <3 
> 
> Also Apricots_from_Nara drew an awesome picture of Overlord and Trepan which made me giddy with happiness. Here is the link (I hope she won't mind me giving it out). I dare you not to stare at Overlord's crotch. I dare you!  
> http://apricots-from-nara.tumblr.com/post/120090472430/i-read-a-small-little-au-thats-a-high-school-au-on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The premise amused me so I wrote it. It's mostly a comedy so I hope y'all like it.
> 
> So a run down of the faculty so far.
> 
> Prowl - Principal (Thank you Insecuriosity for the suggestion, I love Principal Prowl. I love him so much)  
> Arcee - Secretary/Black belt  
> Megatron - Head of English  
> Shockwave - Head of Science  
> Starscream - Science  
> Soundwave - IT  
> Tarn - Music  
> Thundercracker - Drama (barely)  
> Blitzwing - Foreign Language (German ja!)  
> Strika - Physical Education  
> Overlord - Physical (Pain) Education  
> Knock Out - (Sexy) School Nurse  
> Breakdown - Shop Work  
> Skywarp - Head Janitor (Thank you Insecuriosity!)  
> Coneheads - Skywarp's minions (Thank you Insecuriosity!)  
> Astrotrain - School Bus Driver
> 
> Again a big thank you to Insecuriosity for so many excellent ideas that never occurred to me <3
> 
> Also Apricots_from_Nara drew an awesome picture of Overlord and Trepan which made me giddy with happiness. Here is the link (I hope she won't mind me giving it out). I dare you not to stare at Overlord's crotch. I dare you!  
> http://apricots-from-nara.tumblr.com/post/120090472430/i-read-a-small-little-au-thats-a-high-school-au-on

"Are you coming to Maccadam's boss?" Ramjet asked the head janitor.

"Nah," Skywarp replied, "I'm going ta Shockwave's end of year shindig."

"I thought only teachers were invited," Dirge said.

"Yeah and I'm TC's plus one."

At least he would be. Skywarp hadn't exactly asked the drama teacher yet. 

**

"What do ya mean no?" 

"I don't want you pulling pranks and embarrassing me."

"Is that all?" Skywarp scoffed, "C'mon TC, I promise to behave."

Thundercracker eyed the janitor uncertainly.

"No pranks?" 

"No pranks," Skywarp said, fingers crossed behind his back.

**

"I hope I'm not the first to arrive," Megatron moved to shake Shockwave's hand.

"Strika is already inside. And her husband, whom I believe you've met?"

Megatron grimaced,

"Lugnut? Oh yes."

"Ahem," the man at Shockwave's side cleared his throat.

"Pardon my rudeness, this is Blurr."

Megatron extended his hand to Blurr.

"I didn't realize you had a partner."

Blurr grinned,

"Oh Shocky here doesn't like to brag."

**

Several hours earlier...

Blurr smiled at the serious-faced man,

"Looking for a good time handsome?"

The man looked him in up and down in a clinical fashion.

"You appear to fit the parameters of what society deems attractive."

"Uh thanks."

"I am in need of a companion for the function I am hosting."

"Oh you want the boyfriend experience?" Blurr said, "That will cost extra."

"Of course. Name your price."

Blurr smiled. The three little words he loved to hear.

**

"Woah is Shockwave a secret billionaire?" Helex asked as they reached Shockwave's mansion.

"If he was why would he be teaching Science?" Tesarus said.

"Maybe he plays the stock market," Vos said in his native tongue.

"I wish we were rich," Tesarus sighed.

"Money can't buy happiness," Tarn said sagely.

"That's what poor people say," Tesarus muttered.

Tarn could have launched into a lecture. But now they had arrived there was something more important to reiterate.

"Remember what I said before we left the house. You all need to be on your best behavior."

"I don't see why we couldn't stay home," Tesarus grumbled, "Some of us are old enough to take care of ourselves." 

"Tesarus, remind me what happened the last time you were left on your own?"

Tesarus scowled,

"Put a dead mouse in the blender."

"And forgot to put the lid on," Helex said.

"You were there too," Tesarus hissed.

"Bits of mouse went everywhere," Vos said gleefully.

"The Pet cleaned most of it up," Kaon said.

"That's why you're all here with me," Tarn sighed.

**

"Greetings Tarn and family."

"You have a tv?" Tesarus asked brusquely.

"In the recreational room," Shockwave answered, "Down the hallway to the left."

Tesarus brightened. Shockwave probably had one of those massive plasma screens mounted on the wall. He tore off in the direction Shockwave had given. The others followed, Helex guiding Kaon by the hand.

"Remember what I said!" Tarn called after them.

He turned back to Shockwave and his companion. 

"Blurr," the man said, "How you doing?"

Tarn did his best to force a smile.

**

Shockwave did have an impressive television set. But the excitement seemed to stop there.

"All the good channels are blocked," Tesarus grumbled, "There's just Discovery and Animal Planet."

Kaon frowned,

"What's wrong with Animal Planet?"

"I don't want to watch animals doing it."

“It’s the only action you’ll ever see.”

“Shut up Helex!”

"There's only documentaries in here," Vos said, peering inside Shockwave's DVD cabinet.

Tesarus groaned,

"I knew this was gonna be lame."

**

"Hey look Frenzy, it's the freak brigade."

Tesarus scowled at the twins.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Uncle Soundwave bought us."

"Duh."

"Well lucky you," Tesarus sneered, "Piss off small fry."

"Whatever, you guys are lame," Frenzy said.

"We bought balloons and we're gonna fill 'em with water."

"That actually sounds fun," Helex admitted.

"Water bombs?" a voice made them all turn, "How uninspired."

"What's the crazy janitor doing here?" Tesarus muttered under his breath.

Skywarp swaggered into the room and surveyed the kids with his hands on his hips.

"You know what you should fill them with?" he dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "Urine."

There was a sea of disgusted faces.

"Mister that's gross."

"Yeah as if we'd pee into balloons."

Skywarp scowled,

"Kids these days," he grumbled as he left, "No imagination."

**

The rest of the party-goers stared at the stunning blonde on Overlord’s arm.

“That has to be a hooker,” Skywarp whispered to TC, “She is definitely a hooker.”

“Sorry we’re late,” Overlord drawled, “But you know how women are.”

“Trepan,” the woman introduced herself, “M.D. Ph.D.”

“A hooker huh?” TC murmured.

“What? Hookers can have medical degrees. Don’t be sexist TC.” 

**

“Good evening Starscream.”

“What’s so good about it?” Starscream grumbled.

The last thing he wanted to do was attend a stupid office party. But everyone expected him to be there so here he was. He ignored Shockwave’s companion and stared at the banner hanging above the main entrance. 

Welcome to the Authorized End of Year Function for the Faculty of Rodion High Public School.

“Nice sign,” he quipped, “Think you could have been a little more specific?”

“Unlikely,” he heard Shockwave say as he made his way inside.

**

“Starscream,” Megatron said as the young man entered the parlor, “I see your tardiness isn’t restricted to school hours.”

The comment earned a few guffaws from the others. Starscream glared at the English teacher.

“I’m fashionably late.”

“I believe that’s my title,” a sultry voice purred.

Knock Out strutted into the room like it was catwalk with Breakdown in tow. The nurse struck a pose with her hands on her hips. 

Starscream rolled his eyes, 

“This isn’t Iacon’s Next Top Model.”

Knock Out shimmied her hips,

“Jealous much?” 

“Of a copycat? No.”

“What do you mean copycat?” 

Starscream pointed at the blonde next to Overlord. She appeared to be wearing the same crimson number as Knock Out.

“Oh,” the nurse said, “This is awkward.” 

She made her way over Trepan.

“Prada?” she said.

Trepan nodded. Knock Out chuckled sheepishly. 

“20% off.”

Trepan crinkled her nose,

“I don’t buy on sale. It’s tacky.”

She turned back to Overlord. Knock Out gaped for a split second before scowling.

“Rude.” 

She marched back to Breakdown.

“It suits you better,” the shop work teacher assured her.

Knock Out crossed her arms and jutted her hips in a way that showed off her ass.

“I know it does,” she tossed Breakdown a smile, “Thanks sweetie.”

“I can’t believe she came with Breakdown,” Astrotrain grumbled to Blitzwing.

“Ja,” the German teacher agreed, “Lucky son of a bitch.”

**

“Principal Prowl. Miss Arcee.” 

"Shockwave," Prowl replied, sparing Blurr the briefest of glances, “Have the others all arrived?”

“Yes Sir. We were waiting on you to begin the dinner.”

“I won’t be staying,” Prowl informed him, “I have other business. I’ll say my piece and leave things in your capable hands.”

“Of course,” Shockwave intoned, “This way Principal.”

He led Prowl, Arcee and Blurr into the parlor. Prowl claimed a space in the middle of the room.

“Attention,” he said and waited for silence, “I’m sure you’re all looking forward to having a ‘good time’. But I remind you this is a work function, not a night out at Maccadam's. I expect all of you to conform to the highest standard of professional behavior. If you cannot, be assured you will be explaining yourselves to me come Monday. That is all.”

He motioned to Arcee. The secretary knocked back a flute of white wine before following Prowl out.

“Oh thank Primus,” Knock Out said, “I thought he was staying.”

**

Shockwave moved into the spot previously occupied by Prowl and announced that dinner would be served shortly.

“I’ll fetch my brothers,” Tarn said, only for Strika to grab his arm.

“No need,” she said, “I vill call them.”

Tarn grimaced as the gym teacher sucked in a huge breath of air,

“CHILDREN,” she bellowed, “YOU VILL COME TO ZE DINNING ROOM THIS INSTANT!”

“WE’RE BUSY!” Rumble screamed back.

They were currently crammed into one of the bathrooms trying to fill up the water balloons.

“YOU VILL COME NOW OR I SHALL GIVE YOU ALL DETENTION!” 

There was a chorus of groans.

“I VILL COUNT TO THREE. ONE. TWO…”

“ALRIGHT WE’RE COMING, SHEESH!”

Strika turned to Tarn, a sweet smile on her large face.

“I cannot vait to have little ones of our own, right darlink?”

She elbowed Lugnut.

“What? Oh, er, yes dear,” his attention swiftly returned to Megatron, “Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, your use of language is masterful. Really, I couldn’t put it down. In fact I bought my copy in the hope you might sign it.”

He produced the book from under his jacket. In the background Strika pinched the bridge of her nose.

“If I could be so bold to entreat you write “your number one fan”, I know you probably get that all the time but…”

“Of course,” Megatron forced out, desperate to stop the man’s fawning.

He signed the front page and handed it back.

“Thank you. You are truly a humble and brilliant man. An artist. I…”

“I believe Shockwave said something about dinner,” Megatron interrupted, “Excuse me.”

He made a hasty exit.

“You said you vouldn’t bring the book,” Strika hissed.

Lugnut clutched the poetry to his chest.

“I said no such thing.”

**

Starscream was waiting for Megatron as he entered the spacious dining room.

“That Lug-oaf looked like he was about to kneel down and suck your dick.”

Megatron might have grimaced. But the jealousy was clear enough in Starscream’s voice for him to smile instead. 

“Feeling threatened?” he murmured.

“Hardly,” Starscream scoffed.

“Sit next to me,” Megatron invited.

“Why would I do that?” Starscream drawled.

“Because then I can touch you under the table.”

“Pervert,” Starscream sneered.

All the same he sat next to him. Megatron’s other side was quickly occupied by Tarn. The music teacher’s high level of admiration drained him at times. But all in all he was a preferable option to Lugnut, who sat across from Megatron and stared with adoring eyes.

***

Thundercracker found himself seated on Trepan’s left.

“So you’re a doctor huh?”

“I’m a neurosurgeon.”

Starscream overheard the answer and snorted, 

“Yeah right.”

The woman was Overlord’s date. She couldn’t be that smart.

“I would gladly give you a demonstration,” Trepan fixed Starscream with a hard stare, “But incision is rather painful without anesthetic.” 

“I could pummel him into unconsciousness,” Overlord offered.

“I believe that would go against Prowl’s instructions,” Shockwave observed.

Overlord sneered.

“Prowl’s not here.”

“But there are children present,” Tarn growled.

Overlord rolled his eyes,

“Hardly innocents.”

“What are you implying?” Tarn demanded. 

“I think it’s obvious.”

“I hope you are not referring to my nephews,” Soundwave said coldly.

All three men seemed to simultaneously rise from their chairs.

“Enough,” Megatron intervened, “This is supposed be a civilized occasion. So let’s all remain civilized. Sit back down, all three of you.”

Tarn and Soundwave complied. Overlord remained standing, making a show of disobedience before finally sitting down.

“A recent neurosurgery article made mention of Trepan’s Trigger,” Shockwave broke the silence, “I recall it was named after the surgeon who pioneered the technique.” 

“That’s me,” Trepan said proudly, “It’s a funny story actually…”

**

Twenty minutes later most of the guests looked sick to their stomach by the procedure Trepan had described – in graphic detail.

“And so they named it the Trepan’s Trigger after yours truly.”

“That was coolest, most disgusting thing I had ever heard,” Tesarus uttered.

A pale-faced Thundercracker pushed his plate away,

“I’m suddenly not very hungry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some insight into Prostitute Blurr. I believe he was a promising racer who ran afoul of the mob by refusing to lose a race. So they broke his legs and destroyed his dreams. Through a series of misfortunes he wound up in his current line of employment.
> 
> Shockwave purchased his services in the belief having a partner would make his guests feel more at ease in his home. Logical right? Maybe?
> 
> Arcee was originally going to be a gym teacher who routinely beat up Overlord for flirting with her. But I thought it would be funny to make her Prowl's loyal secretary who is a black belt and can still kick Overlord's ass (in pink business suit)
> 
> Vos speaks in a different language. I haven't decided, probably an Asian language. All of the DJD can understand him having been forced to learn by Tarn.
> 
> Um, what else? Blitzwing is more based on his TFA counterpart. He screams bipolar language teacher XD
> 
> Mnemosurgery doesn't really exist in this AU. So this version of Trepan's Trigger is some kind of procedure done to the brain that is horribly disgusting to the weak-stomached.
> 
> Yeah I think that's about it.
> 
> Stay tuned for Part Two :3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two a.ka. The Stupidity Continues :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Apricots_from_Nara for suggesting Cyclonus as History Teacher. I hope you like his little cameo with Tailgate (he does not appear to be enjoying himself hee)
> 
> One more note, Megs, Tarn and Soundwave have a Philosophy Club XD Tarn started it as an excuse for Megs to hang out with him.

"I was thinking," Tarn said to Megatron, "For the next Philosophy Workshop we could compare Marx and Rousseau. Das Kapital and The Social Contract perhaps?"

"Yes," Megatron said as his hand caressed Starscream's thigh, "That sounds like a splendid idea."

"I'm glad you think so. I think that..."

Tarn rambled on as Megatron cupped Starscream under the table. It didn't take long for Starscream to realise this had been a very bad idea. He was getting hard, very hard and how would he explain the stain on his jeans if Megatron managed to make him come. 

"Stop," he whispered.

Megatron pretended not to hear him. Blood rushed to Starscream's cheeks as the older man gave him another squeeze.

"Stop!" he hissed, louder than he had intended.

"I beg your pardon?" Tarn was staring at him.

"Stop talking about philosophy," Starscream answered, "You're boring me."

Tarn's stare hardened,

"It's hardly my fault you have no interest."

Starscream didn't return the quip. Megatron's hand had mercifully retreated and he slumped in relief. Well almost relief, the fact he now had to wait for his erection to go down was highly annoying.

**

"So - Blurr was it? - what do you do for a living?"

"Professional racer."

Overlord fixed the man with an almost predatory stare.

"I swear I've seen you before."

"Probably the race track."

"No," Overlord shook his head, "I swear it was a street corner, a specific street corner in..."

"No," Blurr cut over him hastily, "I don't hang around street corners."

Overlord relished the man's nervous twitch.

"My mistake," he smiled, "It must have been a whore you looked like you."

Blurr was silent.

"Such a distasteful profession," Overlord went on, "Selling your body to all sorts of... weirdos."

He glanced at Shockwave.

"Prostitution is said to be the world's oldest profession," the Head of Science said expressionlessly, "However anecdotal, a point could be made of it's enduring longevity."

"Would you agree Cyclonus?" Overlord smirked at the History Teacher.

Cyclonus only grunted in response. He didn't want to drawn into this conversation. If it wasn't for Tailgate's insistence he would be at home with a book right now. 

"You know what was a good movie?" Tailgate chattered happily, "Pretty Woman. That was about a prostitute."

"Oh yeah," Knock Out agreed, "Richard Gere is such a... OH GOOD PRIMUS WHAT IS THAT?" 

There was an enormous cockroach crawling over the table. Chaos broke out.

"GOTT IM HIMMEL!"

"SOMEONE KILL IT!"

"What is it?" Kaon demanded, "I can't see."

"It's a giant bug," Tesarus said.

"Macropanesthia rhinoceros," Shockwave said calmly.

"A Rhinoceros?" Kaon said in confusion.

"Skywarp!" Thundercracker yelled at the janitor who was laughing hysterically, "I told you no pranks!"

"But - ha - TC - hee - you didn't say nothin' about pets!"

Silence ensued.

"Pet?" Strika repeated.

Skywarp wiped tears out of his eyes.

"Yeah it's Steve. He's my pet."

"Ewww you keep a cockroach as a pet?" Frenzy said.

"Yeah that's fraggin' gross."

"Rumble, what have I told you about swearing?"

"Sorry Uncle."

Overlord rose, knife poised.

"Let me stab it in the brain."

Amusement flooded from Skywarp's face. He lunged to scoop Steve out of harm's way.

"It's okay Steve, you're safe now."

He bundled the cockroach into his jacket.

"I am not eating with that thing crawling in his pocket," Knock Out protested.

There was a chorus of agreement. Skywarp scowled,

"Fine, I'll eat outside," he grabbed his plate, "I'm surprised none of ya brainiacs know that cockroaches are clean animals."

"He's actually correct," Shockwave said, "Studies have shown that..."

"No one cares!" Starscream said.

**  
"Don't worry about them Steve," Skywarp craddled the cockroach in his palm, "They're just a bunch of snobs. But Daddy loves you."

He stroked the insect's back. 

"Hey," Thundercracker appeared, "I bought you some chocolate mousse."

Skywarp wished he could turn up his nose. But he liked chocolate mousse and accepted it with a grunt.

Thundercracker took a seat next to him,

"I'm sorry no one liked Steve."

Skywarp crammed a spoonful of mousse into his mouth,

"He's just ahead of his time. Like... That guy who cut off his ear." 

"Van Gough?"

"Maybe."

"Do you want to come inside?" Thundercracker said, "Soundwave's about to set up his sound system."

"It will probably be some awful techno shit."

He looked at Thundercracker's quietly pleading face and sighed.

"Yeah alright."

**

"Can we go play now?" Kaon asked Tarn.

There were smudges of mousse on his lips. Tarn wiped them away with a napkin. 

"Now you can."

His brothers and the twins barreled joyfully out of the room. 

"My nephews usually don't get along with other kids," Soundwave said.

"Neither do my brothers."

The long-suffering guardians exchanged small smiles.

**

"I think we need ground rules," Tesarus said once they had returned to their stockpile.

"Rules?" Rumble scowled, "This ain't school poindexter." 

Helex crossed his arms,

"No one is allowed to aim for Kaon."

"Why not? Doesn't he have like a sixth sense or something 'cause he's blind?"

"He's not Daredevil," Tesarus scowled.

"So we should treat him different because he's blind?"

"That's like, a form of racism. Uh, blind-ism."

"You want to argue with my fists?" Helex asked.

The twins deliberated.

"Alright fine, we won't aim for pathetic little Kaon. Anything else?"

"Teachers should be worth double points," Vos said.

"What did he say?" Rumble asked.

"Teachers are worth double points," Helex translated, "If you're brave enough to hit them that is."

"We should aim for Nurse KO's boobs," Frenzy giggled.

"Yeah make her nipples go hard!"

"Okay but leave that Trepan lady alone," Tesarus said.

"Ooooo Tesarus has a crush."

"Shut up. She's super pretty and smart."

"Plus Overlord is her boyfriend," Helex said, "You don't to mess with him."

The group gave a collective shudder. 

**

"Ugghh," Starscream hissed as Nicki Minaj started blasting out of the speakers, "What is this, prom?"

"Don't blame me," Soundwave said, "I'm working off the playlist Shockwave gave me."

"Extensive research concluded this song was popular at social gatherings," Shockwave said, "As are the rest of the songs on the playlist." 

"So we're in for a night of crappy music?" 

"Your complaint appears to fall in the minority," Shockwave replied.

Knock Out was already jiggling her stuff while Breakdown did a more subtle show of bouncing on his heels. Overlord had Trepan slung off his shoulder and was twirling her around. Thundercracker and Skywarp arrived and immediately started headbanging like a pair of crazed idiots.

Most of the others on the sidelines were at least bobbing their heads in time with the beat. With the except of Megatron, Tarn and Cyclonus.

"Come on Cyclonus," Tailgate was pulling at his arm, "Dance with me!"

"No."

"Pleeeeeeasse!"

"No."

"Poor taste the lot of them," Starscream sneered, "I'm going for a smoke."

He made his way out to the garden, deliberately flashing his eyes at Megatron as he passed.

**

"Such a filthy habit."

Starscream smirked at the sound of Megatron's voice. He knew he would follow him like a stray dog. That was why he was standing around the side of the house. So no one could see them.

"You're not my mother."

"But I could bend you over my knee."

Such a threat, delivered in that dark voice, made Starscream's toes curl. He took a deep drag of his cigarette.

"Why don't you?" he challenged.

"Later perhaps."

Megatron closed the space between them. He plucked the cigarette from Starscream's fingers.

"Right now I can think of better use for that pretty mouth."

**

"Do you want to dance?" Blurr asked Shockwave.

He was getting bored standing on the sidelines. 

"I do not," his client replied. 

Blurr couldn't say he surprised. Shockwave didn't seem like the twerking type.

"Hey, uh, Soundwave, play something a little slower."

Soundwave responded with a Christina Perri ballad. 

"Booo!" Skywarp shouted, "More Lil Jon!"

Cyclonus on the other hand was grateful. True the current song was only marginally better than the last. But Tailgate had ceased jumping around like jack in the box and snuggled up to Cyclonus' waist. While he was sedate it was easier for Cyclonus to go to his happy place. 

**

"Come on," Blurr grabbed Shockwave's hand.

He usually hated slow dancing. But if it was the only way onto the dance floor so be it.

"Here," he instructed Shockwave, "Put your hands on my hips."

Shockwave surprised him by wordlessly complying. Encouraged Blurr put his arms around his neck.

"Now just sway in place - yeah that's it."

Shockwave was actually a nice sturdy sort to cling onto. 

"See, not so bad is it?" Blurr asked.

"Indeed," Shockwave admitted.

**

"I hate this song," Trepan griped.

"So do I. Let's go fuck somewhere."

Overlord carried Trepan off in search of a bed. 

Or desk. 

Or a closet. 

He was easy. 

**

Several minutes later...

Overlord tried yet another door. 

"Locked," he growled, "Why did Shockwave lock all the rooms?"

"To stop people fucking in them I suppose."

"No matter."

Overlord shoved Trepan against the wall.

"I'll just fuck you here."

Trepan's brow quirked,

"In the open hallway?"

"Yeah," Overlord's hand slipped under Trepan's dress, "Think about Trepan. Anyone could come along and find us. Isn't that exciting."

Trepan whimpered as his fingers brushed the wetness soaking through her panties. That was answer enough.

"Such a bad, bad girl Trepan," he smiled against her ear.

**

Vos closed the bathroom door very, very quietly.

"What's wrong Vos?"

It took Vos a moment for his tongue to work.

"Overlord out in the hall - having sex!"

"With Trepan?" Tesarus shoved Vos out of the way.

"Don't you dare open that door!" Helex hissed.

"I'm not stupid," Tesarus pressed his ear against it, listening.

He heard the telltale grunts and groans and paled.

"Yeah," he said, "They're going at it." 

The group exchanged uneasy glances. If it had been anyone else they would have found it hysterical. But this was Overlord, their psychotic gym teacher. It would be no laughing matter if he discovered them.

"What now?" Kaon asked glumly. 

"Guess we're stuck in here until they finish."

It was the only safe option.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grand conclusion of the stupidity. Enjoy :3

"Don't tell me you're disappointed," Trepan said afterwards.

"That nobody saw us?" Overlord sighed, "Yeah, it would have been amusing."

Trepan consulted her watch,

"We could make it to Maccadam's before lock out. It's a lot more public than here."

Overlord grinned,

"I love the way your brain works."

**

"I'm so fraggin' bored," Rumble whispered.

"Me too."

"You're welcome to leave," Tesarus snapped.

"Oh you would like that wouldn't you."

"Of course I would."

"Quiet guys!" Vos flapped his arms at them.

"I want Tarn," Kaon said miserably.

Helex wrapped an arm around him.

"Ughh you guys are such sissies," Rumble said, "Move aside T-hole."

"What did you just call me!"

"Rumble you can't go out there," his twin warned.

"I just want to listen," Rumble pushed around Tesarus to press his ear against the door, "I think I hear footsteps."

"Close or far away?"

"Far away."

Tesarus copied Rumble's stance,

"I think he's right," 

"All in favor of checking?" Helex asked.

There was a nervous raise of hands.

"I'll open the door, you look," Tesarus told Rumble.

The smaller boy nodded. Refusing would make him seem cowardly. Tesarus opened the door wide enough for Rumble for peer through. 

"He's gone."

There was a collective sigh.

"Let's get out of here Frenzy."

Rumble moved to gather up his water balloons. Frenzy did the same.

"Brains before freaks ha ha."

One of Helex's water balloons hit Rumble in the back of the head.

"You fragger!" 

The bathroom erupted into a war zone.

***

In another bathroom...

"I can't believe how rude she was," Knock Out said to Strika, "Calling me tacky. It's the same dress. I just got it for a better price. In this current economy that should be applauded."

"It is a nice dress," Strika sighed.

She was too broad to pull off dresses. They made her look bulky. Knock Out was blessed with curves in all the right places.

"Maybe she felt threatened," Knock Out said as she re-applied her lipstick, "Overlord might have told her we hooked up once. But really that's ancient history. For her to hold a grudge over it, well she's the one who's tacky."

"You and Overlord?"

"Oh yeah. He followed me to Maccadam's once. Wouldn't take no for an answer. And just between us girls, he's attractive. Those lips! But so not boyfriend material. Oh I am loving this color. Sport's Car Red. Want to try?"

She offered Strika the lipstick. The gym teacher shook her head.

"No thank you."

"Oh come on," Knock Out insisted, "You need to make that husband of yours notice you."

Strika winced. Lugnut's current lack of interest was humiliating. He was normally more attentive, especially at home. But as soon as he saw his hero Megatron it was like Strika didn't exist.

"Maybe I vill try," she said.

Strika applied the lipstick with a clumsy hand. She wasn't the type to paint her face. The end result was disappointing. She looked like a clown with garish red lips. 

"I look silly."

"You look great," Knock Out soothed, "Totally kiss-able."

"You think?" Strika blushed.

"Absolutely. When Lugnut sees you he'll go from six to midnight."

"I am not familiar with expression."

Knock Out laughed. 

"He'll get a hard on, sweetie, you know, an erection?"

Strika blushed even more deeply.

"I would prefer not in public."

Knock Out laughed. Much to Strika's dismay she started rearranging her cleavage. She couldn't help staring at Knock Out's breasts at the best of times. It was worse with Knock Out squeezing and jiggling them in front of her.

Strika focused on her own inferior reflection. 

"So you and Breakdown," she ventured, "You are couple now?"

"What?" Knock Out chuckled, "Oh no, we're just friends."

"I think he likes you more than a friend."

Knock Out sighed,

"Yeah I think so too."

"So vat is problem?"

"I'm just not ready to be tied down."

"Why not? Breakdown is nice man."

Knock Out smiled,

"Yeah I suppose he is. He listens when I talk and doesn't grab my ass."

"So you should give a chance," Strika told her, "Trust me men so nice are hard to find."

She considered herself something of an expert in the subject.

"Maybe you're right," Knock Out turned to Strika, "You're a good friend."

She grasped the larger woman in a hug. Strika closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of her perfume. Knock Out always smelled nice and her breasts were soft like pillows. 

**

Shockwave's popular playlist only contained a few songs suited for slow dancing. After burning through them Soundwave returned to more lively tracks. 

"Finally," Thundercracker sighed.

He had been watching Skywarp waltz around with Steve in his palm. 

His friend and his disgusting pet roach.

Wait, would that make a good screenplay? 

**

"I believe we're the first people in history to slow dance to rap music," Blurr told Shockwave, "I could teach you some more appropriate moves?"

"Unnecessary," Shockwave replied, "I am content with our current state of trend setting."

Blurr swore that almost sounded like a joke.

"You're the boss," he rested his head on Shockwave's broad chest.

**

"Otto's a character from The Simpsons," Astrotrain was explaining to Tarn, "He's the bus driver. That's why the kids call me that. No fucking imagination."

"I'm inclined to agree."

Tarn was well aware the children called him 'the Beast' behind his back.

"Hey Astrotrain," Overlord had reappeared with Trepan after a suspiciously long absence, "Was that the school bus I saw parked outside?"

"Yeah I'm the designated driver."

It was the only reason he had been invited. Astrotrain had been swayed by the idea of free food and the opportunity to stare at Knock Out's ass. But it wasn't like she had been thrusting herself on him all evening. 

The fact Astrotrain was stuck talking to Tarn just emphasized how bored and painfully sober he was.

So when Overlord suggested Maccadam's he leapt at the excuse to escape.

"Hell yeah. Let's go."

News quickly traveled through the rest of the guests.

"Come on TC!" Skywarp tugged on his arm, "After party!"

"I need to get home to Buster," Thundercracker said, "He gets lonely on his own. Plus there is no way I'm walking into Maccadam's with a cockroach."

"Uggh you're so boring TC. Guess me and Steve are flying solo."

**

"A bunch of people are going to Maccadam's," Breakdown said as Knock Out returned from the powder room, "Do you uh, want to go?"

He was afraid she would. Then the rest of his night would be spent worrying about all the guys ogling her. The few already present were bad enough. 

"I have a better idea," Knock Out looped her arm inside his, "Let's go back to your place."

"I... Really?" 

"Sure. Unless you would prefer to go clubbing?"

"No," Breakdown assured her happily, "Your idea is much better."

**

"Un-fucking-believable," Astrotrain uttered as Breakdown and Knock Out swept away all cozy-like. 

Hopefully there would be some first class hotties at Maccadam's to take his mind off the redhead.

"Alright folks," he shouted, "The party bus is about to leave. If you want in, get your butts in gear!"

Tailgate tugged on Cyclonus' arm.

"Want to hop on the party bus Cyclonus?"

"Absolutely not."

**

"Coming with us shiny face?" Trepan smiled sweetly at Tarn.

The invitation took him by surprise.

"No. I have to stay, look after my brothers."

Speaking of which he should really check on them.

Overlord drew an arm around his companion.

"I wouldn't waste your time Trepan. You have none of the bits he's interested in."

"What a shame," Trepan said as the couple walked off.

"Don't worry," Overlord told her, "We'll find a nice hetero male for you to flirt with."

Tarn grimaced. His relationship with Pharma suddenly seemed extraordinarily normal. 

**

"I believe we've just lost a majority of our party," Shockwave observed. 

Blurr continued to rest his head on the man's chest.

"Good riddance."

**

"Ahem," Strika cleared her throat.

Lugnut's face was buried behind Megatron's book. 

Strika cleared her throat again. Nothing.

"Lugnut!" 

Lugnut jumped, book falling to his lap.

"Oh, hello dear...." his eyes widened, "What happened to your face?"

Strika smiled,

"You mean my lips?"

"Yes, did you have an allergic reaction?"

"It's lipstick you oaf!" Strika cried, "I vant to go home this instant!"

Lugnut knew better than to argue. But he insisted on saying goodbye to Megatron. 

"He probably already left," Strika hissed.

"MEGATRON IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, IT'S LUGNUT, I WANT TO BID YOU A FOND GOOD NIGHT, AND ALSO TO EXPRESS MY OVERWHELMING GRATITUDE FOR SIGNING MY..."

**

"I think someone's calling you," Starscream said breathlessly.

Megatron bit into the younger man's exposed shoulder,

"Ignore it."

The voice was clearly Lugnut's. Megatron was not about to forfeit his climax by answering him.

**

"SHUT UP!" Strika shouted, "FOR GOD'S SAKE, SHUT UP!"

"Dearest why are you angry at me?" Lugnut called as she stalked off.

**

"What do mean I can't come on?" Skywarp growled at Overlord.

The gym teacher was blocking his entry onto the school bus.

"Sorry teacher's only," the man smirked, "You two roaches will have to hitch another ride."

The bus door shut and Skywarp was left standing on the sidewalk.

**

"I thought you were going to Maccadam's?" Thundercracker said.

"Nah," Skywarp said, "The crowd at Maccadam's really gone downhill. Weren't you leaving?"

"I was. But I like this song."

It was the Simple Minds' classic from The Breakfast Club.

"It's a good song," Skywarp agreed.

"You want to dance?"

"Yeah."

**

"What would you say ta me pranking Overlord's office?" Skywarp asked as he and Thundercracker danced.

"If you want to die a painful, painful death go right ahead."

**

"I'm going to check on the kids," Tarn told Soundwave.

Soundwave gave him a thumbs up.

Tarn entered the hallway and almost collided with Rumble and Frenzy. Their clothes were soaked and their hair was plastered to their skulls. They didn't seem to take any notice of Tarn and continued running.

"I'm outta ammo!" Rumble shouted at Frenzy.

"Me too! Two against four isn't fair!"

Tarn's brothers came chasing after them. Kaon was riding on Helex's shoulders. Out of all them he was least damp. A bright red water balloon was clasped in his hand. 

"Hi Tarn. Bye Tarn!" Helex said as they pushed past him. 

**

"You think our presence was missed?" Starscream said as he lit a post-coital cigarette.

Megatron buckled his belt.

"Mine was, if Lugnut's shouts were anything to go by."

He hoped the man had left by now. Starscream sneered.

"Then you better get back inside Mr. Popularity."

Megatron smiled. Even after a hard fucking, Starscream was as vicious as ever. It was almost admirable.

"Enjoy yourself," he said and left him to his cigarette.

**

Rumble and Frenzy ran out into the garden.

"Scramble," Rumble told his twin.

Their opponents watched them run opposite directions. 

"To the right Kaon," Helex instructed, "Rumble's trying to hide around the side of the house."

Kaon aimed in the direction and threw his balloon.

It sailed past Rumble and hit Megatron square in the face.

**

"Did I get him?" Kaon asked.

No one answered. Droplets ran down Megatron's face. 

Tarn arrived. He quickly put two and two together,

"They hit you?"

Megatron wiped his cheek. 

"Evidently."

"It was Kaon!" Rumble piped up.

"I'm sorry," Kaon blurted. He had recognized Megatron's voice. 

"It was an accident," Helex told Tarn, "He was aiming for Rumble."

"What's going on?" Starscream appeared.

He took one look at Megatron and burst into hysterical laughter.

"Oh hahahhaha did you get a little wet ahhahaha!"

"Starscream," Tarn hissed, "Do you really think that's an appropriate reaction?"

Megatron waved his hand,

"It's quite alright Tarn. We're all entitled to a little humor."

He crossed over to Tesarus who flinched.

"May I?" he said of the yellow water balloon in his hand.

Tesarus handed it over readily.

Megatron hurled it - with great accuracy - at Starscream's giggling face.

"You fucking bastard!" Starscream howled. 

Megatron shook his head,

"Honestly Starscream there are children present. You call yourself a teacher?"

Starscream answered with more curses.

**

"Water balloons," Tarn fumed later in the car ride home, "What part of behave yourselves did you not understand?"

His younger brothers were silent.

"You're all lucky Megatron was so understanding," he went on, "And Shockwave. There's water and bits of balloon all over his house."

"Water's easier to clean than mouse blood," Tesarus muttered.

"What was that?" Tarn said sharply.

"Nothing."

"We're sorry Tarn," Kaon whimpered.

"I know," Tarn sighed, "It could have been worse I suppose."

Tesarus might have alluded to the blender incident again. But Helex's hand clamped preemptively over his mouth.

"We're in the clear so just shut up."

"I wonder why Megatron and Starscream were both out in the garden?" Vos pondered aloud. 

Tarn later lay awake turning over that same question.

***

"I'm sorry about this," Soundwave told Shockwave.

Rumble and Frenzy were sullenly loading the sound system into Soundwave's car. 

"The damage is minimal," Shockwave replied, "But your apology is appreciated."

Soundwave nodded. He shook the Head of Science's hand in farewell.

He was the last guest to leave. Shockwave returned inside to find Blurr lounging on the couch.

"Interesting party," he said.

"Based on the evidence it was not exactly a success."

"People make the party," Blurr said, "Weird crowd like that is a recipe for disaster."

"An interesting hypothesis." 

"I don't know why you bothered. Hiring me. It wasn't exactly necessary."

"I thought it would put people at ease."

"A guy brought his pet cockroach. A cockroach! And you were worried about your robotic nerd shtick."

"Shtick?"

"I'm just saying you're hardly freakiest of the bunch."

"Is that some kind of compliment?"

"If you like," Blurr said, "I still expect to be paid."

"Of course. That was our agreement. "

"Good," Blurr bounced to his feet, "Now everyone's gone we can have some real fun."

"Fun?" Shockwave inquired.

"You hired me for the boyfriend experience," Blurr pressed against Shockwave, "I have talents beyond my wit and dancing skills."

"Perhaps you might demonstrate."

Blurr's arms hooked around his neck,

"Gladly."

Shockwave had hired him for the entire night after all. He may as well make the the most of it. There was nothing waiting for him outside but a sardine tin apartment and a lonely street corner.


End file.
